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If You Want A Shot at a Romantic Relationship, Then You Should Quit Porn as Soon as Possible

I don’t believe that porn shouldn’t exist.

Even if anyone did believe that, it’s not something we could ever truly get rid of. Being fascinated by sex will never go out of style. That being said, porn is probably killing you. Here’s why:

A Brief History of Watching Porn

Porn has been around for almost as long as humans have.

Before modernity, pornography was a luxury that only the rich could experience through buying erotic artwork or watching stage performances.

When the 1970s rolled around, pornography came to a theatre near you in the form of peepshows. For your average Joe, porn was expensive, hard to find, and pretty damn shameful to seek out.

Then porn arrived on VHS tape in the 1980s, which allowed people to get weird in the comfort of their own homes. In the 90s, porn hit the internet for the first time.

Now, in 2021, you can watch porn all day, every day, for free. Instantly.

In less than 60 seconds, you can take your smartphone and bring up the most depraved, degenerate, bizarre, and wild pornography. The barrier between you and seeing sex is gone. Now it’s only a matter of choice.

Psychologists say “we do not yet know the consequences of this.” Well, take a guess.

The Common Issues

There is an abundance of studies that link frequent porn use to less sexual and relationship satisfaction.

The problem that people (mostly younger men) have run into in recent years is progressive desensitization.

Say you masturbate to porn for 15 minutes a day for five years. This habit works a groove into your brain. By feeding the habit, you’re giving your sexuality only one avenue to function. Arousal for you can then only occur through one type of fetish, or video, or position, or scenario.

Your porn preferences could also escalate into crazier and crazier material. Arousal would then become about the escalation of novelty.

Another important problem to note is that porn conditions you to be sexual only when you are by yourself. There is no input or arousal coming from interacting with another human. The groove you carve in your brain gets in the way of genuine sexuality.

To give a personal example, I’ve had friends tell me that they need to think about porn in order to finish with their girlfriends. Hearing that was like a punch to the gut. It’s disgusting thinking that someone needs to do that when they’re with someone they care about.

The Real Problem

The real problem with porn is that it’s fake.

I don’t mean fake in the sense that it gives you false expectations about sex. That’s a consequence of porn, not the core issue.

What I mean is that porn, even if it’s the most mind-blowing virtual reality experience, will only ever be a substitute. A crutch for not having the real thing.

For most, porn is a solitary experience. You’re like a fly on the wall when you watch people have sex, and you feel just as important.

It is the greatest enabler of loneliness and isolation. People wonder why millennials have less sex. No one became less interested. I think there’s one reason we can boil down: We’re hypnotized by the effortless option.

Watching porn might be the easiest thing in the world to do. So why would you go through the nightmare of putting yourself out there and meeting someone?

Let’s Get Cosmic For a Second

Your sexual need is more than just a bodily function like needing to eat. It has its base in biology, but for right now, let’s not describe it in biological terms. Let’s talk about subjective experience. Bear with me here.

Sexuality is linked to your desire to be with others. It’s the need to surrender and express and give. It is the most intimate and intense form of human connection.

Nature and evolution aside, sexuality for a conscious human being is the need to be seen, felt, and known. You can satisfy your body on your own (usually with porn). You can also survive without sex, but as anyone who has gone long periods without sex can attest, there is a fundamental need not being met.

Psychologist Robert Glover said:

“The very thing that makes sex so exciting is exactly what makes it so terrifying. Sex is powerful, chaotic, and wild. It crackles with cosmic energy.”

Porn doesn’t allow you to lose yourself in someone else. You aren’t giving. You aren’t receiving. You aren’t connecting. You aren’t touching or laughing or feeling or transcending. You’re just jerking off.

Why would you want to ruin what sex could potentially be? This isn’t living. This isn’t anything.

A New Way of Looking at Porn

Without reading about the neuroscience of erectile dysfunction or how porn affects gender roles or anything like that, just look at porn in a different way if you want to quit.

You should quit porn because you want to experience the real world and real relationships. Seeking real relationships can be painful and scary. It will demand that you take a hard look at yourself and evaluate whether anyone would want to date you.

It would require you to take responsibility for your life and be willing to grow, not just to attract a partner, but for your own sake.

Staying in and watching porn is divorcing you from life. You want to nourish your needs with quality connections, not synthetic scenarios.

I’m trying to quit myself. I want to be done with it. I want to engage with life, not with technology.

Plan A is investing in real relationships. Plan B is watching porn. Plan B distracts from Plan A. Simple as that.

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